4 Ways to Kill a Pitch

I smile when I get bad pitches from publicists -- they're blog fodder. I heard from many publicists this week who sent material on everything from a cookie diet to a bilingual book series, but the one that really stood out had the following characteristics. Use it as your format for What. Not. To. Do.

1. Use 8 point type. Seriously, even The Young People have trouble reading type this small.
2. Write two inflammatory sentences that paraphrase somebody but don't tell me who you're paraphrasing.
3. Don't give me an overview or facts. Instead, tell me to click on the link below to learn more about the topic.
4. Use a tinyURL format for that link so I can't tell who your client is or whether it's a link I can trust. There's lots of buzz about the bad things that might happen to my computer if I visit a "bad" Web site. I'm not going to trust your tinyURL if all you've given me is a couple of vague sentences about an impending danger to our society.

This woman's client might have had something interesting to say...and this e-mail might have gone to many writers who were in a position to help the source get her message to the people she thinks need to hear it. I suspect that it didn't get the desired response, though. One of the mistakes on the list above is enough to kill what could be a good story idea. Work to make sure that your next pitch avoids these mistakes.

Why E-mail from Publicists Makes Me Smile

I love "What Not to Wear," the TLC TV show offering ambush fashion makeovers, so it's no surprise that I often read the publicist pitches in my inbox with an eye towards finding those "fixer uppers" that we can learn from here. They are blog fodder, giving me an opportunity to help others avoid the same goofy mistakes.

This week's mail brought me a pitch from a professional (vs. amateur) publicist announcing that his firm is now -- direct quote -- "pleased to represent the media relations for (insert poor client name here)." First, he doesn't know that my tea mug is imprinted with, "Do I look like I give a rat's a**?" Second, the language is awkward -- never a good sign.

He then offers three sentences with a few specifics about his client followed by, "We hope you will agree with us that (insert poor client name here) offers your readers a both compelling local and national story." Forget that I'm a freelancer working for many publications with varying readers. The point here is that he has told me how many years the company has been in business and provided some information about its growth rate, but has not given me a single article idea for my "readers."

He is, of course, looking forward to hearing from me about how we will work together on an article about his client.

I know he means well. Really, he does. He's trying to get some publicity for his client. But this isn't how to do it. There are a few lessons in this very brief pitch from this inexperienced and untrained fellow:

1. Don't start by announcing that you have a new client. It's not attention-getting, it's not important, and honestly, nobody cares but you and your paycheck.
2. Yes, I might profile your client, but tell me why I should. Why is this company profile-worthy? Don't force me to figure this out myself because I won't.
3. Provide me with a few trend story ideas that would include your client (and others!) as information sources. This company might be on the leading edge of a trend but you have to not only tell me that, but prove it. Or maybe it's doing something innovative or imaginative. Tell me that, not how many employees it has.

When pitching journalists, focus less on what's in it for you and more on what's in it for them and their readers, viewers, or listeners. Your success rate will improve.

What's your most successful pitching technique? Please share it with us!

Fire This Publicist!

Here's the last line of a press release I just received: "Editor’s Note: Permission to publish this release online is granted on the condition that a live link to (URL, which I've deleted here to spare the online retailer embarrassment) is included."

Well, gee, online retailer publicist, you've pretty much guaranteed that the release won't get picked up by legitimate media outlets because, quite simply, this isn't how the publicist-news media relationship works.

Journalists and other media gatekeepers do not take direction from publicists, whether they're arrogant and ignorant as this one is, or whether they are helpful and smart. Publicists simply aren't in control.

But wait! There's more!

Sadly for the retailer employing this goof, that usage command wasn't the only mistake. The release didn't identify anything in its content as news. The release, which was promoting a line of exotic pasta, leads with a quote from someone who has never tasted the pasta, but seems to want to. It is followed by comments from two other people who would like to taste it, too, but haven't.

The not-quite-testimonials are followed by a photo of the pasta over which is super-imposed, "Enter to win 5 lbs of (product name)." I never look at photos imbedded into the middle of press releases because I'm more interested in the news, not the pictures, so I didn't even notice the photos the first time -- I scrolled right past them to learn that the comments were submitted as part of a contest to win pasta. Oh. Like I care. But I knew this was blog fodder, so I kept reading, but still didn't find anything I would call "news" or even a call to action that says, "Hey you, go to this URL and enter the contest so you can win free pasta!" Nothing.

And, to make it worse, instead of actually encouraging people to enter the contest by saying how easy it is to enter or encouraging them to enter now by offering a deadline, the "press release" actually says, "While this sounds easy, many of those visiting the blog have written that the task is harder than it at first appears."

OMG. Stop. You're killing me.

It wraps up with two paragraphs that mention three companies, followed by the "rules" statement referenced above.

Let's learn from this

This is a lesson waiting to be taught.... Here's what we can learn from this:

1. Do not impose rules. Journalists don't respond well to publicists who give them orders. Especially orders that show the publicist doesn't know how things work.
2. Make sure you're offering news in your press release. Otherwise, what's the point? Before you sit down to write, be clear on what you want as the end result. It will help you find the right words.
3. Put your news in the 1st or 2nd paragraph. The news in this release might have been that there was an online contest to win pasta, but I'm not even sure about that. And if that was the news, I would have had to go to the Web site for more information before I could report on it, and I would have had to start from scratch with my reporting.
4. Write your press release using a style that you see in the newspaper or online. Nobody in the media -- not even citizen journalists -- writes like this guy, which means his stuff is just plain harder to use.

What's the worst example of a press release you've seen lately? Share the highlights here!

How Not to Pitch

Because I write on small business topics frequently for newsstand and custom magazines, I received a pitch letter with this opener:

“I have a great new client that i am trying to get some buzz on for a piece, can you please take a look at the pitch below?”

What’s wrong with this opener?

From my perspective…

• It uses an approach that is too casual for a first-time communication with a stranger.
• It’s grammatically incorrect.
• To some of us, “get a buzz on” means getting drunk so this language is distracting.
• The “i” flags the publicist as young, which equates with inexperienced.

The opener was followed by an article idea and signed with the publicist's initials. Just. His. Initials. No name. No phone number. No nothing else.

I am older than 23, so it’s not a good idea to be this casual when communicating with me for the first time. My assumption – right or wrong – is that this publicist will be a pain in the neck to work with should I decide to interview his client because he comes across as careless. Careless publicists make my job harder, not easier.

If you want to secure publicity:

• Focus on what the journalist will get from the encounter, not what you will get from it. Do I care that he wants to “get some good buzz” out of this? Not at all.
• Be professional and act mature -- even if you aren't -- when contacting a journalist. Use complete sentences. Use proper capitalization and punctuation. Avoid slang.
• Include complete contact information.
• If you have a PR firm working for you, require them to copy you on pitches so you can identify patterns like this and stop them.

What’s the worst publicist mistake you’ve seen (or done)?